They’re Not Asking for Special Treatment. They’re Asking for Equitable Treatment.
Every child who walks into a school is carrying something. Every child has a nervous system, a history, a set of strengths and struggles that are entirely their own. The job of a school — the whole point of public education in a democratic society — is to give every one of those children the tools they need to reach their potential.
That job has never been easy. But it has never been optional, either.
Neurodivergent students are not asking for a free pass. They are not asking for the rules not to apply to them. They are asking for what every child deserves: to be seen, to be understood, and to be given a real chance to learn and grow in a world that doesn’t pretend they don’t exist.
That’s not special treatment. It’s basic fairness.
That’s just what children are owed.
Why “Just Be Firmer” Doesn't Work:Understanding PDA
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a neurodevelopmental profile most commonly associated with autism. Many professionals and advocates now prefer to call it a
“Pervasive Drive for Autonomy,” which better captures what's actually happening: a deep, often involuntary need to maintain control in order to feel safe. In the world at large, it’s just called PDA, including by PDAers themselves. Like me.
People with PDA experience an intense need to avoid everyday demands and expectations. This isn't laziness or willfulness. It's because those demands trigger anxiety that feels overwhelming or even threatening.
Here's what makes PDA particularly confusing: the avoidance can apply not just to unwanted tasks, but even to things the person enjoys or has chosen themselves. The moment something becomes a “demand” – an expectation with a time or a structure attached – it can become impossible to follow through on.
At its core, PDA is anxiety-driven. The key word is anxiety. This is about a nervous system that perceives demands, even small ones, even enjoyable ones, as threats.