Why “Just Be Firmer” Doesn't Work:Understanding PDA

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a neurodevelopmental profile most commonly associated with autism. Many professionals and advocates now prefer to call it a
“Pervasive Drive for Autonomy,” which better captures what's actually happening: a deep, often involuntary need to maintain control in order to feel safe. In the world at large, it’s just called PDA, including by PDAers themselves. Like me.

People with PDA experience an intense need to avoid everyday demands and expectations. This isn't laziness or willfulness. It's because those demands trigger anxiety that feels overwhelming or even threatening.

Here's what makes PDA particularly confusing: the avoidance can apply not just to unwanted tasks, but even to things the person enjoys or has chosen themselves. The moment something becomes a “demand” – an expectation with a time or a structure attached – it can become impossible to follow through on.

At its core, PDA is anxiety-driven. The key word is anxiety. This is about a nervous system that perceives demands, even small ones, even enjoyable ones, as threats.