Why Friendship Has Always Felt So Hard — And What Actually Helps

A few months ago, I reconnected with a college roommate I hadn't spoken to in 35 years. When my roommate told his husband about the call and the 35-year gap, his husband said, dry as a martini: "Sounds like a really good friend."

Ouch. Touché.

And also — that friendship is real. It's always been real. It just doesn't run on the neurotypical maintenance schedule, and it never did. Neurodivergent people are not bad at friendship in some general, character-flaw kind of way. We're often very good at specific kinds of connection, and genuinely struggle with others — and we don't often talk about which is which, or why.